3 Dimensional Pigs
Guinea Pigs need space, they're sensitive okay? They also need at
least one friend so that they can perform ceremonial pig combat
over resources. A pair of pigs should have somewhere between 9
square feet and an aircraft carrier of space. If you do put guinea
pigs on an aircraft carrier at least make them wear little sailor
hats, like, please... I built my enclosure out of cube storage
racks and choroplast, which you can buy at any home depot--and
struggle to fit into your corolla at any home depot parking lot.
All this space adds up to at least 30% of your house dedicated to
guinea pigs, plus 75% of your refrigerator.
Romaine, So Much Romaine
Guinea pigs eat a LOT... like, a lot. I go to Vons like twice a
week to clear them out of veggies. The pigs like romaine lettuce,
roma tomatoes, cucumber, bell pepper, and carrots. Cowpig in
particular loves that seeded white part at the center of the bell
pepper, she goes hog wild for that thing. Other than the veggies,
pigs ought to be fed BALES OF HAY. Yea, like a horse would eat.
Timothy hay in unholy quantities needs to be pumped into the pig
cage daily. For an OPTIMAL PIG, something like 70% of its diet
should be hay. There's also the pellets, they're kind of expensive
but they give pigs vitamin C, which they dont make themselves for
some reason, and the pigs like 'em, too. If those pigs been good,
you can also give them treats. Pig treats are usually compressed
hay with stuff in it, but the pigs love the sound of rustling bags
and they seem to like the treats too. It also doesnt hurt that
guinea pigs eat people food, so you can use food stamps to buy
food for your pigs. Welfare pigs 💸.
Vet Bills:
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
Guinea pigs are very exotic, like a fiat (the most exotic,
guinea-pig shaped car). Unlike a fiat, or a spouse, you should
weigh your guinea pigs often, this can help you to spot if there
are any health issues under the hood. If you suspect an issue, you
can't just take your pig to a normal vet, either. Guinea pigs are
exotic animals and thus require exotic vets, which cost more. My
Cowpig once poked herself in the eye while trying to Scrooge
McDuck a pile of fresh timothy hay. My exotics vet scolded me for
waiting to bring her in by recommending that "if it has anything
to do with their eyes or their balls, don't wait." Now that's an
exotic vet.
Guinea Pigs, for the uninitiated are vegetable compactors which lack
traditional hydraulic mechanisms as well as tails. Guinea pigs are
not from papua new guinea and are from a cage in my livingroom. The
optimal number of pigs is 2, ask anybody. Guinea Pigs also have
talons not unlike birds of prey (which tend to also lack tails).
Guinea Pigs make for better pets than most other animals with
talons, and even have the ability to clean themselves. This allows
for Guinea Pigs to go much longer than the average vehicle without a
wash. Owners of geepee's should provide a healthy diet of
consturctive criticism, positive reinforcment, and those treats that
they like even though they are kind of expensive.
